Forgotten memories
by Anotherhumanbeing
Summary: 'Tell me you don't remember me, Kate' he cups her face with his hands 'Tell me you don't remember this' he presses his mouth on hers, tries to make her remember, remember him, their life, the forgotten memories.
1. Chapter 1

******You know the feeling when you begin reading a story and see that the start is so sweet and cute and then BAM! A bad thing happens. Well, if you don't, here is an example. Feel free to hate me! I will be over there eating cookies.**

He's sitting at his chair next to her desk, playing the new edition of Angry Birds on his iPhone, cheering when he wins and pouting when he loses. She sighs and rolls her eyes at his reactions, such a child but so cute, she is trying really hard to hide her smile. She's busy with paperwork, the last case was a hell of a trouble for them, thankfully it's closed now. She signs her name at the bottom of the last page she has to fill and puts it back in the folder, tosses it at the corner of her desk on top of other files and turns to him, smiles a little at the small frown between his eyebrows.

He notices it of course.

''What?'' he asks without looking at her, his eyes focused on the screen and fingers tapping it.

''I've finished'' she replies and leans back in the chair, lifts her leg over her knee and places her hands on it. He doesn't say anything else, just taps more, pouts, complains and after a minute puffs and finally puts the phone back into his pocket.

''Bad score'' he explains sadly ''I will never beat yours'' he sighs and stands up. She grins and covers her mouth with her hand ''It's not funny when your girlfriend has a better score than yours, Beckett'' he complains, eyes narrowing at her. She smiles warmly at him and stands up as well, sliding her arms through the sleeves of her coat and grabs her belongings.

''Good to go?'' he asks impatiently. She takes her time to close her computer, tide up her messy desk and he whines again ''Beckett'' he warns, one of his hands being placed on her lower back.

''Yes'' she replies, turning around only to find his face in front of hers, too close.

''Castle'' it's her time to warn.

''What?'' he asks, lifting an eyebrow as he leans in, their lips brushing. He scans the bullpen for any cops or co-workers and when he doesn't find any he presses his mouth on hers and she gasps, eyes widening in shock. She tries to protest, pull away and push him back but she can't help it, she melts in their kiss and her legs almost give away.

Almost.

A moan escapes from her lips though, and she covers her mouth with her hand when he lets her lips go with a loud smack. She glares at him and slaps his chest lightly as he takes her hand in his and grins like an idiot while they walk to the elevator.

''If you do that again, I will kill you'' she threatens him and he laughs. The doors close and he turns to her again, his hot breath hitting her straight in the face.

''Oh really?'' he challenges, raises his hand and tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear, then trails his fingers over her cheek, brings his mouth to her ear ''You didn't have a problem yesterday'' he continues. Teeth nibbling her earlobe ''When we were in the breakroom''

She can't take anymore of this. She uses her hand to push him back and he puts on a fake hurt face.

''Fine, your loss'' he tells her. She's trying to bring her heartbeat back to normal as they ride downstairs.

The doors open again and they head outside towards her car, they climb in and she starts the engine. It's raining outside and the road is slippery. She carefully drives through the streets of New York, her destination his loft, theirs now that she's staying there too. Eleven months since their first night together, since she came to his doorstep beaten and hurt, finally realizing what she truly wanted.

Next month is their anniversary and she has a special gift for him. She can't wait. It's simple yet meaningful for them, for her at least.

She stops at a red light and turns her head to look at him, he's looking outside through the window, his face full of joy because of the rain and because they are going home. She lifts a hand, places it on his knee and he glances at her, holds her gaze for some time before he gives her a smile, grabs her hand from his knee and brings it to his lips, places a kiss on her palm. They get lost in each other's eyes, see the unspoken words in there.

___I love you..._

They are too busy with each other to notice a car coming with full force towards them. She sees it after a minute but it's too late. The other car slams to her side, their bodies go back and forth and she hits the side of her head on the steering wheel. It only takes a moment for the event to finish, only a hit to ruin their lives.

He opens his eyes, rubs them with his hands and tries to come back to reality. His head is throbbing, his heart racing against his ribcage. He removes his seatbelt and dares to look at her. He regrets it. He sees her with her eyes closed and blood running down her head. He can hear sirens, a man's voice, people shouting.

''Kate'' he screams, hands coming up to touch her ''Kate, wake up'' she doesn't and it scares him. He places two fingers on her neck, feels her pulse and thanks god because it's strong.

''Come on Kate, hang in there. An ambulance is coming this way''

* * *

He sits outside of her room along with Jim, Ryan and Esposito and Lanie. They took her in one hour ago and the doctor hasn't come out to speak with them yet. They had checked him, but nothing serious. Only a few scratches on his forehead and bruises.

''Family of Kate Beckett?'' a voice says suddenly and his eyes shoot up. The doctor is standing in front of them.

''Yes'' Jim answers ''I'm her father and Richard is her boyfriend'' he points at him and he rises from his seat, comes closer to listen to what the doctor has to say.

''Miss Beckett-''

''Detective'' Castle corrects him. The older man smiles.

''Detective Beckett has a mild concussion. The hit she took to her head worries us a little but we hope for the best. She needed a couple of stitches in order for the wound to be closed. Also, she has some bruises. Other than that she's going to be fine''

Tears of joy are spilling out of his eyes and run down his cheeks.

''Can I go in and see her?'' he asks.

''Yes you can. In fact, she's awake'' the doctor excuses himself then and disappears behind a couple of nurses talking.

He opens the door and sees her laying on the bed, a white bandage covering her head. He takes a few steps inside and she looks at him weirdly, like he's a stranger. She looks afraid of something, afraid of him?

''Kate?''

''Who are you?'' she demands. The color leaves from his face, his heart drops to his stomach, he feels numb.

''It's-it's me'' he stutters ''Castle. Your boyfriend''

She frowns.

He realizes it then.

Kate Beckett doesn't remember him.

''I'm sorry, I don't remember you'' she speaks those words.

She breaks him with a single sentence.

******Reviews are welcome.**

******I had this on my mind and I had to write it down. So if you want me to continue just write me a review and tell me what you think!**

******And as always, have a nice day.**

******Marked as complete. Ha, not anymore. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I messed it up a bit. I admit it. But my brain started working again and let's see how far we can go with this.**

**Thanks for the feedback everybody. Enjoy.**

* * *

It feels like the earth disappeared underneath his feet, and he falls. Literally. If the doctor wasn't next to him to catch him, his butt would be having a meeting with the floor. A few hours ago they were kissing, holding each others' hand and now this. Unbelievable one might say, a cruel joke seems to him. He spent the last five years trying to win her heart and he manged to do it only to lose it again because of a car accident, because of a damn brain injury. The walls he turned into ashes and dust, are now rebuilt, higher and thicker than ever. He will try though, he will try to fix everything for them, for her.

''Mister Castle, are you all right?'' the doctor's voice pulls him out of his shock and his thoughts, it calls him back to reality.

It calls him back to face the harsh truth.

''I'm fine'' he says, he lies. The older man pats the writer's shoulder gently, tells him he will be back later and gives them some privacy. To do what? He can't bare the look on her face, the puzzled expression she wears. The one that says out loud she doesn't remember him or everything they've been through together.

Friends, partners, lovers and in the end, nothing is left. Only a blank he has to fill.

He needs to.

He walks towards her hesitantly, careful not to scare her, and sits at a chair close to her bed. His hands want to reach out and seek for hers and it takes everything in him to control them, not to touch her. Not to feel her warm smooth skin against his. Her stare is heavy on him, he can almost hear the questions bubbling inside of her head. Wanting to escape through her mouth but he knows she's waiting for him to start.

''You really don't-'' he swallows the lump in his throat ''You don't remember me?'' he croaks out, a voice so broken he didn't even know he could master. So lost. Why does he even bother to ask, it's written all over her face.

She narrows her eyes at him, on his face. It's not a familiar one, maybe it's because of her throbbing head, of the room that is spinning and she can't think straight. Maybe because of the painkillers that blind her mind and make it foggy.

''I'm sorry'' her eyes rest on her fingers as they play with the covers ''I wish I did, but I don't'' she gathers her knees under her chin and places her arms around them ''Who are you?'' she asks him, already regretting her question as the man's eyes fill with tears. She sees them before he has the chance to lower his head and hide them from her.

''I am Richard Castle'' he tells her.

''My boyfriend'' she continues, the two words only a whisper.

''Your boyfriend'' he confirms, can't suppress the smile on his lips even though he's on the verge of breaking down.

It's awkward and weird, and it feels wrong. She wants to ask more about their relationship, instead she changes the topic of their conversation. She can she he needs some time, and she does the same.

''So, Castle. Is it okay if I call you that?'' it's more than okay to him, it means there is still a part of his Kate in there, a part that hasn't forgotten him. A part that remembers him, her partner.

He nods, and she takes it as permission to continue ''What happened? Why am I in here?''

''We were involved in a car accident'' he begins and fists his hands until his nails dig into his skin painfully ''It was late at night and we were heading home, you were driving and you stopped at a red light. We were busy with each other you know?'' he half laughs, half sobs ''And that's when a car slammed into your side knocking you out. You hit the side of your head on the steering wheel and here we are'' he throws his arms in the air with the last words, a sigh escaping from his throat.

''Are you okay?'' she's concerned about him when she's the one that has lost her memory and he can't help but laugh again.

''I am fine'' he lies once more.

They are interrupted by a knock and they both turn to look at the doctor as he comes in.

''Detective Beckett, I see you're awake'' a polite smile forms on his lips.

''Detective?'' she wonders. Her eyebrows are knitted together into a frown, her eyes find Castle's.

The doctor doesn't comment ''Tomorrow you will be able to go home, and stay with someone of course. You will need their help. Also, no driving until I give you the say-so and I'm gonna see you again in four to six weeks''

''Don't worry, doctor. She will be staying with me'' Castle says and the older man nods,then leaves.

''Stay with you?'' she snaps ''I don't even know you, only your name. How will I be able to stay with you?''

He's taken aback by her outburst. But quickly recovers.

''Where else do you think you could stay?'' he snaps back. One thing she didn't forget was her stubbornness.

''At my father's'' she says.

''Look, Kate. Your father will agree with me. Just come with me okay?'' he dares to try and take her hand in his but she pulls away ''You know me, Kate. You do. And I will show you how much when we get out of here''

She rubs each side of her temple with her hands ''Could you leave?'' she sounds exhausted, she looks defeated.

He won this battle.

There is a long pause before he stands up ''Of course, you need to rest'' he glances at her for a brief moment and gets out of the room. His pace fast, uncontrolled as he strides towards a wall and slams his fists on it.

And then he crumbles. Falls to the floor and hides his face in his hands as tears stream down his face. And he should not be doing this. He should be strong for her, for both of them. He allows himself this for a minute, two, three until he mans up, wipes his wet cheeks roughly with the sleeve of his shirt and pulls himself on his feet again.

He needs to make his girlfriend fall in love with him all over again. And he's going to do it.

* * *

**Thoughts?**

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

**And as always, have a nice day.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, how you doing? Here is a chapter. Enjoy.**

Blood, there is so much blood. It's on his hands, on his clothes, on the the steering wheel, on the seats. Everywhere. And it scares him because it's not his, he doesn't feel any pain, doesn't have any open flesh wounds. It's hers. Her body is thrown forward, her head slumped against the front of the car, she seems lifeless, dead.

''Kate?'' he cradles her bloody bruised face in his hands ''No, Kate'' her eyelids are open and he finds himself staring into empty eyes. No, it's impossible. How did this happen, how the heck are they back in the car. She can't be dead. She can't.

Kate.

He awakes with a gasp, body jumping from the chair he was sleeping at. It was just a nightmare, he thinks, a bad dream. Nothing real. A sigh of relief escapes from his mouth and he leans back, closes his eyes and let's himself calm down. Bring his heartbeat back to normal speed. She might have lost her memory, she might not remember him – for now – but she's alive. And that's what matters to him the most right now.

''Are you okay young man?'' his head turns to the source of the voice and he spots an old lady standing behind him.

''I'm fine, thanks'' he smiles politely at her.

She nods ''So, if you don't mind me asking. Why are you here?'' she takes a seat next to his.

''I'm here for my girlfriend'' he explains, a proud smile on his lips because he can call Kate Beckett his girlfriend. The smile fades. He could call her his girlfriend, he's not so sure anymore.

''Oh, is she all right?'' the old lady asks with concern in her tone.

''We were involved in a car accident'' He's not sure if he should be talking about what happened to a person he doesn't even know. But he needs this, he needs to share his pain with someone, even if she's a complete stranger ''...and now she doesn't remember me. She didn't even know my name. Nothing''

''Oh dear. I'm sorry to hear that'' she places a hand on his knee and pats it before she takes it back ''Don't worry. I'm sure she will remember you any time soon'' he hopes that too ''One thing I learned from life is that you never forget the person you love. I and my husband for example, he had gone to war to fight for years. Unfortunately, he was injured when a bomb exploded and they took him to the hospital. I didn't know anything, they didn't tell him anything'' she sighs ''I waited for him to return as the years passed. Later, I found out he had amnesia and he had forgotten who he was, who I was. And he started a new life somewhere else. I was still young so I tried to do the same. A year after that I heard a knock on the door and he was standing there. The letters I wrote to him, but he didn't manage to get, were held in his hand. He told me, Marie will you marry me?'' she laughs ''First time I had seen him after so many years and he asked me to marry him right away'' she raises her hand and he can see the ring on her finger.

Castle smiles too ''That's a very interesting story. And if you don't mind me asking, where is your husband now?''

''The old man didn't listen to me when I told him he can't eat desserts. He's snoring in his hospital bed as we speak''

The writer chuckles, after all this was what he needed.

''Thank you'' he tells Marie and then stands up as the older woman does the same.

''Anytime, young man''

''Richard'' he says ''My name is Richard''

''Anytime, Richard'' she smiles at him one last time before she leaves to visit her husband.

Castle glances at his watch. It's still early in the morning, he knows she must be awake though. He grabs his stuff and heads for her room. Today, they will be able to go home. Lanie and the guys will be there to welcome them back, Alexis and Martha as well.

''Goodmorning'' he says and closes the door behind him. She's sitting there with her shoulders slumped and her hands nested in her lap. A far away look in her eyes.

''Kate?'' he calls for her and her head snaps.

''Uh, hey'' she looks down at her hands for a moment and then back up. There is something on her mind, he can sense that. Maybe he shouldn't have left her alone, but she needed some space and time and he needed the same.

''How are you feeling?'' he sits at the chair near her bed, clasps his hands together instead of reaching out to takes hers.

There is a pause and then she speaks ''I'm fine. Just my head hurts''.

''You sure? Did something happen?''he pushes even though it's nothing against her walls. Damn, he needs to bring some explosives to bring them down.

She presses her lips together into a firm line and shakes her head.

''I'm fine'' she repeats. _Fine_, is the word he would remove from the English language if he could. It's one of the biggest lies ever.

''Okay'' he lets it go.

''We are going home today?'' Home, they way she says it makes his heart flutter. Home. Not his house, home. Their home.

She frowns ''What?''

He did realize he was smiling like a goof.

''Nothing, and yeah. We are going home today'' he says.

''Great. Can we have breakfast there? I'm starving and the hospital food is awful'' she wrinkles her nose in disgust to show her point and he laughs. He needs to remind himself though, this woman doesn't remember him. Doesn't remember anything that happened between them.

''And, Castle'' she continues ''I'm sorry for snapping at you like that yesterday. It just feels weird you know. Not remembering your boyfriend, or your relationship, your life'' she finishes.

He stays quiet, gives her a nod and accepts her apology.

''I should have been more understanding'' he adds.

The smile she offers is small, still a smile though. She feels guilty, this man is here to help her, he's her boyfriend and she treats him like he's her punching bag. Snapping and shouting a thim, things she shouldn't do. She wished she remembered this man and everything that happened between them. She needs to ask him about their story or find it out herself.

She needs to be able to remember again.

''Goodmorning'' the doctor comes in, a wide smile on his lips as always ''Slept well?''

''Yeah, just had a couple of weird dreams'' Beckett tells him.

''Hmm, sometimes dreams are memories of your past. It would be better if you talked about them with someone'' his gaze travels from Beckett to Castle ''So, today you are free to go. I will give you a prescription of some pills you need to take in case of headaches and for your memory'' a nurse enters in the room as the doctor continues to speak ''Melinda, will you help you to get ready and as I told you yesterday I will be seeing you again in four to six weeks''

* * *

He opens the door of the car for her, ignoring her request to drive.

''I want to drive''

''And I want a light-saber'' he earned a glare for that ''Or be able to use the force'' and an eye-roll for that.

They didn't talk much during the ride towards the loft, only small talks about the city, the weather and who was the president. Back at the hospital, she said she had a couple of weird dreams and he wondered what did she dream about. Was it about them?

''Can I ask you something?'' he says hesitantly.

''Sure''

''You said you had some weird dreams, what were they about?''

''Nothing'' she turns her body to the other side, her head resting on her folded elbow as she watched outside of the window.

''Kate''

''Nothing, it was nothing, okay?'' she snaps at him for the second time ''Leave it alone''

He does. For now.

* * *

_Thoughts?  
__Reviews are appreciated. (I wrote this one with a burnt hand so I think I deserve some, heh)_  
_And as always, have a nice day!_


	4. Chapter 4

**This is small, but I've got some problems with life right now. I want to thank for the feedback you've given me. Always makes me happy to see that people enjoy my stories. Enjoy this chapter as well...**

Before they arrive at the loft, he sends a text to the boys telling them to postpone their meeting and come for dinner later in the day. They agreed without asking why. He wants to tell her about them first, about her job at the precinct, her partner, her co-workers, her friends. And when she catches him with the phone in his hands when he stopped the car at a red light, he waved her questions off. Covering it lamely by telling her it was just his daughter.

''You have a daughter?'' she asks, surprised.

''Uh, yeah'' he replies ''Alexis, she goes to college''

She frowns, hesitates before she asks the next question ''Is she ours?''

''No, no'' he says quickly ''I mean, she's from my first wedding. Her mother is not you, if that's what you're asking, it's Meredith. My ex-wife. She had to continue with her career so, she left us and I had to raise her alone. But, she looks up to you, Kate. She likes you. Very much'' he half-explains, half-rambles.

''You've been married?'' he laughs sadly as she continues to ask her questions.

''Twice''

''Twice'' she whispers.

''There was always a better man than me''

She takes his hand in hers and gives it a squeeze ''I'm sorry''

The sudden contact of her skin against his sends a shiver down his spine. It's been so long since he had last touched her. A day or two might seem little to someone else, but to him it looks like an eternity. He coughs, swallows back the lump in his throat.

They stay silent for the rest of the ride until he parks the car. The loft is quiet and empty when he opens the door and lets her go first inside. His mother and Alexis must be out.

''It's nice in here'' she says. Her eyes widen as she looks are around.

''It is'' he agrees ''Would you like to take a shower until I've made breakfast?''

''Don't you need help?''

''No, I've got this'' he puts a hand on her lower back and walks with her towards their bedroom and into the bathroom.

''Your bathrobe is behind the door'' he tells her ''Need anything else?''

She shakes her head.

''Okay, I will be in the kitchen'' he goes to leave but she stops him, her fingers wrapped around his wrist.

''Thank you for, you know'' she says ''everything''

He smiles a little smile ''Always'' his heart breaking a little bit more when she nods and turns around, without recognizing their word.

Their promise.

* * *

She smells the coffee and the bacon, and something like pancakes when she comes out. Dressed in the t-shirt and in the yoga-pants he had placed for her on the bed. Her stomach is growling, complaining about the lack of food.

''Hey'' she stands close behind him and he jumps. Clearly, not aware of her presence so close to him. The spatula almost drops from his hands.

''Jesus!Hey'' he says back ''Pancakes?'' he puts them in a plate and offers it to her. She thanks him, and then they sit down at the bar stools. He doesn't eat much, just stares at her as she chews.

''All this staring is cute, but I'm trying to eat here'' she takes another bite.

''Creepy'' he corrects.

''What?''

''You used to find my staring creepy'' he explains ''Not cute'' he looks down, hides his face from her questioning gaze and her puzzled expression. She doesn't say anything though, he wishes she did. He wishes she would put her arms around his neck and kiss him, just like she did every time they were eating breakfast together.

He wishes -.

''I will never be the same again'' she admits, lets the fork fall on the plate and then pushes it aside ''I will never be able to remember my old life''

''You just need time to recover, Kate. Don't worry. You'll remember yourself again, you will remember me, us again. Everything'' she looks up at him from under her eyebrows. Her eyes sparkling.

''How can you be so sure?''

He shrugs his shoulders.

''Trust me, everything will come back. And I will be here to help you remember, answer every question you have about the past''

''Promise?''

''Promise'' he assures her.

''Then, answer me this. Why do I have a bullet scar on my chest?''

He wasn't expecting that.

**I would be happy to hear your thoughts too, so if you want review.**

**And as always, have a nice day and enjoy the new week. **

**Bye.**


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